I’m ashamed to say I didn’t watch the race live this week… I decided that living in London, I should for once get out and watch the marathon. But, unfortunately as exciting as it was, I spent the day ignoring texts, ignoring calls and shutting my ears off to the world outside (hard while watching 40,000 people running past you and crowds at your back and breathing down your neck) just in case someone gave it away. I was told that it was a good race and that was enough… the whole thing was killed and I couldn’t get into it. It was terrible! I even fell asleep while watching my tape. Never again… it has to be live, it’s the only way. It’s like ordering a salad in Nandos – a waste of what God has made available to you.
A SAD AND SORRY SUTIL
Well… before anything else, I must express my deepest sympathies to poor little Adrian Sutil after qualifiers on Saturday. A perfect example of a driver being let down by his team… he didn’t know Webber was approaching on a fast lap as nobody told him! He thought he was doing the right thing! He always seems to have the worst luck and my heart melted as he stood there, tail between his legs, expressing his regret at the situation before skulking off to Red Bull to apologise to a very grumpy Mark Webber. (Something I couldn’t see many of them doing). This was nearly as bad as witnessing him crying in his dressing room after being knocked of the track in Monaco by Kimi just a few short laps before he was due to finish in the points for the first time. This can be a very cruel world.
YOU’RE WELCOME HAMMY
After a heart-felt thank you from Hammy to me (and the rest of his few remaining fans) this Saturday, I felt sad to see the crushed spirit of Lewis… and so close to a podium finish. Still, he’s up there and things can only get better. I just don’t get this whole KERS thing… it seems to be more trouble than it’s worth. Will they get rid of it before the windy European roads ahead?
ARE YOU STILL WINNING?
Jenson Button is an amazing driver.
Jenson Button has the best car.
Jenson Button is a nice guy.
Jenson Button is a worthy winner.
Jenson Button has Ross Brawn.
Ross Brawn is king of all things on four wheels.
So WHY, I ask you, do I have such a problem with him winning? I don’t know what it is – I think he’s great and I am genuinely happy for him, but I am bored bored bored bored bored. I am bored of his racing style… I miss the aggression and careless abandon that we saw last season – the desperate drive to take first, when second just won’t do. I feel that he is a careful driver, a respectful driver, a fair driver, and that is just dull to me. I want to see some action, and I want to see some competition. Come on Sebastian, you are my only hope…
I also feel dwarfed by a smug nation of Brits, happily cheering Button on and commenting on how they always knew he had it in him. BOLLOCKS! I know I’ve hit on that point before but I felt it needed repeating. You didn’t predict this… you’d written him off too.
BYE BYE BMW
Just a smug note to say that I dropped BMW from my fantasy league team and replaced them with McLaren in perfect timing! I am feeling so smug right now. (But obviously sad for the BEEMERS).
Until next time Amigos (well… Mum).
Tuesday 28 April 2009
Monday 20 April 2009
RACE 3: China
Well… WHAT an exciting weekend.
Firstly, I managed to go out both Friday and Saturday nights and not get drunk on either (maybe I’m not an alcoholic after all).
Secondly… my beautiful hero Sebastian Vettel made it to pole, and with just 1 lap per qualifying round. AMAZING! I’m still kicking myself that the matchsticks fell out from between my eyelids somewhere between Q2 and Q3, but I sprang back awake in time to see pole position change and change and change until eventually the right man sat at the front. And back close to form was Hammy… back in Q3 where he belongs and one of the highest fuelled in the top 10. (I wonder if he could have started higher up the grid had he fuelled less). I’m happy that Kovalainen has finally got a look in too, and nothing quite beat watching rookie Buemi zoom past the Ferrari of Kimi Raikonnen.
RAIN RAIN GO AWAY
Yet another race that seems to have been placed on purpose to meet with rain, leading us to a safety car start – very disappointing, but nevertheless perfect for Mr Vettel, who managed to glide through the wet like he was born in a puddle with a steering wheel in his hands. It was also pretty exciting that we got to see some decent racing action with some exciting scuffles – regardless of the rain. It was far from a procession, and guess what? No bloody FIA investigations, just clean good racing. Most refreshing.
FERRARI FERRARI WHERE ARE YOU FERRARI?
Still down there somewhere around the bottom of the table while McLaren pick up more valuable points. HA! It’s weird how forgotten they seem now… no one talks about them, no one really talks with them. I almost feel bad for them. HAHA!
BRAWN’S FALLEN CROWN
Most exciting to see a new winner, especially one as grateful as Sebastian. Suddenly I found myself looking back on my distant German ancestry with pride as the anthem rang out and Vettel bit his bottom lip and tried to hold back the tears while I sobbed on my living room carpet. It’s just too perfect! Just another few now and you’ll be up there with Brawn-the-Great.
F1 FOR DUMMIES… I MEAN KIDS
Did you hear them mention that you can press the red button and listen to commentary for kids? Genius! I wanted to have a listen but got so enthralled I completely forgot. Now I know what my kids will be forced to watch…
Firstly, I managed to go out both Friday and Saturday nights and not get drunk on either (maybe I’m not an alcoholic after all).
Secondly… my beautiful hero Sebastian Vettel made it to pole, and with just 1 lap per qualifying round. AMAZING! I’m still kicking myself that the matchsticks fell out from between my eyelids somewhere between Q2 and Q3, but I sprang back awake in time to see pole position change and change and change until eventually the right man sat at the front. And back close to form was Hammy… back in Q3 where he belongs and one of the highest fuelled in the top 10. (I wonder if he could have started higher up the grid had he fuelled less). I’m happy that Kovalainen has finally got a look in too, and nothing quite beat watching rookie Buemi zoom past the Ferrari of Kimi Raikonnen.
RAIN RAIN GO AWAY
Yet another race that seems to have been placed on purpose to meet with rain, leading us to a safety car start – very disappointing, but nevertheless perfect for Mr Vettel, who managed to glide through the wet like he was born in a puddle with a steering wheel in his hands. It was also pretty exciting that we got to see some decent racing action with some exciting scuffles – regardless of the rain. It was far from a procession, and guess what? No bloody FIA investigations, just clean good racing. Most refreshing.
FERRARI FERRARI WHERE ARE YOU FERRARI?
Still down there somewhere around the bottom of the table while McLaren pick up more valuable points. HA! It’s weird how forgotten they seem now… no one talks about them, no one really talks with them. I almost feel bad for them. HAHA!
BRAWN’S FALLEN CROWN
Most exciting to see a new winner, especially one as grateful as Sebastian. Suddenly I found myself looking back on my distant German ancestry with pride as the anthem rang out and Vettel bit his bottom lip and tried to hold back the tears while I sobbed on my living room carpet. It’s just too perfect! Just another few now and you’ll be up there with Brawn-the-Great.
F1 FOR DUMMIES… I MEAN KIDS
Did you hear them mention that you can press the red button and listen to commentary for kids? Genius! I wanted to have a listen but got so enthralled I completely forgot. Now I know what my kids will be forced to watch…
Monday 13 April 2009
CHINA'S NEXT...
So next we have China…
What do you think will happen?
I am hoping for a Vettel - Button scuffle like the one we saw in Spa last year between Hammy and Kimi.
My predictions:
Pole: Button.
1st: Kubica
2nd: Trulli
3rd: Vettel
Ooooh it’s controversial… no Button on the podium. I’m predicting the end of the road for our man (but then again I’m wrong about everything).
What do you think will happen?
I am hoping for a Vettel - Button scuffle like the one we saw in Spa last year between Hammy and Kimi.
My predictions:
Pole: Button.
1st: Kubica
2nd: Trulli
3rd: Vettel
Ooooh it’s controversial… no Button on the podium. I’m predicting the end of the road for our man (but then again I’m wrong about everything).
RACE 2: Malaysia
This was on my birthday, so forgive my brief comments and blurry knowledge… although I was glued to the TV in body, my mind was flooded with Vodka, Tequila, Sambuca, etc etc etc.
WHAT’S THE TIME MR ECCLESTON?
Last season showed us some majorly exciting wet races, but they happened by chance, not by plan. ‘Hmmm… looks like we’ll have a monsoon at 5, let’s start the race at 4!’ Who came up with that bright idea? You can’t plan an exciting wet race, it doesn’t work! The excitement has to create itself. Put the race back an hour you bloody stupid men.
MESSAGE TO THE GODS: LEAVE VETTEL ALONE!
Why must you punish my husband? Let him finish a race! That’s 2 races that could have sky-rocketed him up near the top of the table, and instead he’s way down the bottom. I am VERY unimpressed with the cruel twists of fate.
ANOTHER HAPPY ENDING
So Button did it again. Great, he did it! But I’m bored already. I don’t know why, I don’t know what it is. I’m just bored. I think we need another driver up there… a little bit of competition. And I hate all these fair weather fans. I feel like all those that probably hailed Hamilton as King back when he started have now jumped ship and claimed to have always known Button had it in him. Really? Did you now? Well let’s see what happens if it all falls apart… season’s barely kicked off just yet so don’t go getting Jenson tatooed across your forehead just yet.
YOU CAN’T KEEP HIM DOWN
Hamilton shoots, Hamilton SCORES! One point closer to world domination. You get ‘em Hammy.
SO FUCKING COOL
My favourite scene throughout today’s race had to be Kimi, donned in shorts, flip flops and sucking on an ice lolly, while good ol’ Webber was taking his union role seriously and running round gathering the troops and calming nerves. Kimi’s so sexy. It’s like he can’t be bothered anymore… will he really stick it out another year?
RACE 1: Australia
LEWIS THE KING
Well… you can imagine my delight when my beautiful little Lewis stormed past the masses and into the points. FOURTH PLACE! THIRD PLACE! Fourth… no third… no… fourth… whatever… decent points in the first race while the red bloody dirty bastards that are Ferrari remained at zero. Hamilton has gone from criticism to criticism… he does well? It’s because of the car. He makes a mistake? He’s a cheat, an idiot, a loser… well… he managed to finish with a decent amount of points in a car that moves like my Ford bloody Fiesta. I was so proud that he’d managed to prove me right and show it wasn’t the McLaren that lead him to victory last year (although I’m not denying that it played a major part) but it was his talent, his aggression, his ability, and of course his being so damn sweet.
LEAVE HAMMY ALONE
The it alllll came out. HAMILTON THE LIAR. HAMILTON THE CHEAT. Everybody is so quick to jump on the ‘I Hate Hammy’ ship. Nobody seemed to be able to recognise the simple fact that Hamilton is just an employee… he’s been under McLaren’s wing so long he has learned to trust them, and that he did. It all happened so quickly – he didn’t even get the chance to think, he just avoided disclosing all information straight away, as instructed to do. He made a mistake but where is the solidarity? He’s young and he just got unlucky. When you watch back the video that revealed it all, it’s clear to see that he knew what he was doing, he was right and his team let him down, he just didn’t have the confidence to stand up for himself. Lesson learned so please, let it go!
IT’S A RED BULL – BMV TRAVESTY
Regardless of the above, I think the prize for bad luck can go to only one person… future World Champ (touch wood), and the love of my life, Sebastian Vettel. We saw some really exciting racing from young German and the ice cold Kubica in Oz, but it all fell apart. It’s questionable whether such aggressive racing was really worthy – they were both heading for a podium finish and they killed it all with greed (having said that I guess that’s what it’s all about), but did Vettel really deserve to be penalised while Kubica walked off unscathed? I think NOT. The FIA just need to chill the hell out and let the races continue.
BUT THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER
Well, not all of them, just one team, and not ever after, but for this race at least. It truly was, in the words of the delighfully irritating Eddie Jordan, ‘a fairytale’. Two racers, long criticised, careers over, forgotten by press and fans alike, but ending up with a 1-2 in a brand new team under the one and only genius of them all, Mr Ross Brawn. Congratulations boys! I never really got the Button thing… he did crash into me on the dance floor of a club in Monaco after last year’s Grand Prix, spilling sticky booze down my bare legs and scuffing my shiny pretty shoes, so needless to say I didn’t think much of his balance or spatial awareness. But regardless, I just didn’t think he had it in him. Slagged off, or worse forgotten, by so many, I thought he’d given up hope, but it’s so exciting to see him shining in a great car.
And I can’t mention Brawn GP without raising a glass to lovely old Rubens Barichello. He’s so passionate, he cares so much and I LOVE it. Well done Rubes You got lucky to be on the podium, but I love you so we’ll let that bit go.
Well… you can imagine my delight when my beautiful little Lewis stormed past the masses and into the points. FOURTH PLACE! THIRD PLACE! Fourth… no third… no… fourth… whatever… decent points in the first race while the red bloody dirty bastards that are Ferrari remained at zero. Hamilton has gone from criticism to criticism… he does well? It’s because of the car. He makes a mistake? He’s a cheat, an idiot, a loser… well… he managed to finish with a decent amount of points in a car that moves like my Ford bloody Fiesta. I was so proud that he’d managed to prove me right and show it wasn’t the McLaren that lead him to victory last year (although I’m not denying that it played a major part) but it was his talent, his aggression, his ability, and of course his being so damn sweet.
LEAVE HAMMY ALONE
The it alllll came out. HAMILTON THE LIAR. HAMILTON THE CHEAT. Everybody is so quick to jump on the ‘I Hate Hammy’ ship. Nobody seemed to be able to recognise the simple fact that Hamilton is just an employee… he’s been under McLaren’s wing so long he has learned to trust them, and that he did. It all happened so quickly – he didn’t even get the chance to think, he just avoided disclosing all information straight away, as instructed to do. He made a mistake but where is the solidarity? He’s young and he just got unlucky. When you watch back the video that revealed it all, it’s clear to see that he knew what he was doing, he was right and his team let him down, he just didn’t have the confidence to stand up for himself. Lesson learned so please, let it go!
IT’S A RED BULL – BMV TRAVESTY
Regardless of the above, I think the prize for bad luck can go to only one person… future World Champ (touch wood), and the love of my life, Sebastian Vettel. We saw some really exciting racing from young German and the ice cold Kubica in Oz, but it all fell apart. It’s questionable whether such aggressive racing was really worthy – they were both heading for a podium finish and they killed it all with greed (having said that I guess that’s what it’s all about), but did Vettel really deserve to be penalised while Kubica walked off unscathed? I think NOT. The FIA just need to chill the hell out and let the races continue.
BUT THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER
Well, not all of them, just one team, and not ever after, but for this race at least. It truly was, in the words of the delighfully irritating Eddie Jordan, ‘a fairytale’. Two racers, long criticised, careers over, forgotten by press and fans alike, but ending up with a 1-2 in a brand new team under the one and only genius of them all, Mr Ross Brawn. Congratulations boys! I never really got the Button thing… he did crash into me on the dance floor of a club in Monaco after last year’s Grand Prix, spilling sticky booze down my bare legs and scuffing my shiny pretty shoes, so needless to say I didn’t think much of his balance or spatial awareness. But regardless, I just didn’t think he had it in him. Slagged off, or worse forgotten, by so many, I thought he’d given up hope, but it’s so exciting to see him shining in a great car.
And I can’t mention Brawn GP without raising a glass to lovely old Rubens Barichello. He’s so passionate, he cares so much and I LOVE it. Well done Rubes You got lucky to be on the podium, but I love you so we’ll let that bit go.
Welcome
I had an epiphany and this is the result. I have spent hours bending the ears off even the keenest of racing fans… I impose my judgements, opinions, race summaries, and a few major crushes until no one can take it any more. Racing is specialised, and not many mere mortals can see how edge of the seat of your wet pants it can be. (And now we’re back on the BBC pants really are wet… who can take a toilet break and risk missing valuable seconds?). Due to this painful fact, I have found my racing ear-outlets exhausted and my debates dwindled. I need new ears to bend and I hereby invite you to share with me my number one obsession, which incorporates within it a number of minor ones of which I will now summarise below:
1. Lewis Hamilton. My heart bleeds that the British media are so quick to jump on his back and stab the knife in… will support him until the end.
2. Sebastian Vettel. The MOST exciting new talent on the track. World Champion in the making, but an unlucky start so far to the season.
3. McLaren. They fascinate me, regardless of them being idiots.
4. Hating Ferrari. I Just do. I hate them. I hate their smug red colour. Their smug (although agreed a God) Michael Schumacher showering saliva on his protégé, Felipe Massa.
5. Hating the FIA and their RIDICULOUS calls. Spa last year saw THE most exciting racing between Raikonnen and Hamilton, and what do they do? They fuck it all up. You will get to hear all about my conspiracy theories on the subject as they continue with their blundering mistakes.
6. Loving the passion. Moments like Germany 2003, when the likes of good old faithful Rubens Barichello got that special win and cried his heart out on the podium, I’m welling up from the memory. And a recent newbie to add to my list of passionate and sweet little men is the 3rd and newest Sebastian to join the pack… Mr Buemi and his ‘Ohhhh noooooooo’ remarks as he slid off the track and ballsed it up last week in Malaysia. It was so sweet I wanted to hug him – he sounded like a 10 year old who’d saved up for a year to buy an ice cream, only to drop it on the floor after the first delicious lick. Bless hit tiny cotton socks. I love him. Quite sexy too, wouldn’t you say?
7. Loving the cool. Kimi Raikonnen is by far the coolest man on the planet, thus making him the sexiest too. The man doesn’t care. As the big news struck that Shumacher was finally throwing in the towel, where was Kimi? ‘I was having a shit.’ Priceless.
8. Loving the sexy. On the subject of sexy, there are a few other bad boys that give the ladies (well, me) their eye candy… those guys I love to hate on the track, but I love to fantasise about elsewhere… take the smouldering, angry and bitter Fernando… never quite sure if he will lunge at your and choke you to death, or melt into the floor and drown himself in his own tears, one can’t ignore the Heathcliff-like character of Mr Fernando Alonso.
So, there you have it… a summary of what I love, what I love to hate and who I fancy.
As I’m starting this blog at an awkward time, 2 races in, I’m going to spare you the essays and just give you a brief account of my thoughts so far. Please feel free to jump in with your praise at my highly enlightening points of view, and if you really want to voice your disagreement, well, I guess that would make for an interesting debate.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
